Sometimes couples who have spent a long time together may totally lose touch of how to make romance come alive between them. If you are one of those people, give these tips a go.
Once you have kids, romance tends to go out of the window. Sure, you might share a Dine in for £10 meal deal every once in a while, but it's probably more a case of "I can't be bothered cooking" than "let's have a romantic dinner."
If you want to inject a bit of passion back into your relationship this Valentine's Day - or at all - check out these cracking tips.
1. Replace swear words with "love"
When everyday dialogue between you and your other half is like something out of Pulp Fiction, thanks to sleep-deprivation and the general nerve-battering that comes with having children, it’s easy to become a little desensitised.
“I told you he’d gone off cheese.” “Shut the [bleep] up.”
“Did you make her bottle up?” “[Bleep] off.”
“Can you stop swearing please?” “No, I [bleep]ing can’t.”
Quite rightly, you can each excuse the other’s sweariness as sheer fraught fatigue – and to be fair, it’s a pretty strong couple who can move past such exchanges with a shrug and channel-hop.
But if you fancy making a gesture out of not addressing each other with expletives (who said romance is dead?), you could always try replacing your usual four-lettered words with ‘love’? “Love you, you loving love!” “Love off! And you can forget a love tonight!”
You get the gist.
And if sounding like a sweary film with bad dubbing gets a little much, lose the PG-rating after the kids-are-in-bed watershed and let rip with the eff word like a couple of motherfreakers.
2. Scoff together at other parents more
This is an easy relationship routine to put into practice and maintain. All that judgement you have for each other’s parenting, just needs redirecting.
As you open your mouth to criticise the spaghetti hoops dished up for the third night in a row, or amount of Sudocrem being slapped on your baby’s bum – stop and think!
Is there someone else whose parenting-style you might both enjoy slagging off? The woman round the corner who eats dandelions and has a kid with a name like a shade of Dulux paint? Fair game.
Them parents at soft play with the ugly kid who hits everyone? Let it rip! This is vital, bonding stuff – you’re not just enjoying a sneer! You’re b****ing in a bid to keep your relationship strong, which, if you think about it, is all about the kids really.
3. Put out!
No, it’s not a reference to sex – it’s a cheap gag about putting out the rubbish.
A simple effort to sling a bin bag in the black wheelie/ replace the loo roll empty/ unwedge the much-hunted-for TV remote from between the sofa cushions – or whatever typical household gripe bandied between you – might show more thought than a bunch of begonias ever could.
And if sex is an issue that needs addressing too, let’s be honest, you could be more inclined to make the effort with each other if you’re not in a mood about the nappy bags that have been festering on the kitchen floor for days.
So remember – get them poo bags shifted and you might get lucky. You know, if you both have the energy and there’s nothing on TV…
4. Blank each other
Marriage guidance is jam-packed with knackered parents complaining about how loudly the other eats their crisps, or you know, breathes.
But in truth it’s not marital problems they’re experiencing – it’s just a touch of cabin fever.
It’s unsurprising really, given that leaving the house with kids is so protracted that plans are often abandoned and consequently, by witching hour, everyone is losing it like contestants on Big Brother.
It’s not expensive counselling you need, or to ram whole packets of crisps down your other half’s throat in a bid to secure a bit of peace.
You just need to sit in separate rooms happily blanking each other for a while. For a lifetime, maybe.
Sure, you’ll still hate each other, but then at least you can go on game shows together and get a round of applause from the studio audience for managing not to get divorced over the course of 50-odd years?
5. Recreate your murky past
Enjoyed a cheeky snakebite in the local before having kids? Maybe you frequented the odd thrash gig together prior to a life full of Nellie the Elephant?
Or hey, perhaps a quick fumble in a public place was more your thing?
Whatever your favourite pastime pre-parent days, you could benefit from revisiting those dark, dirty, delicious days.
Slumping next to each other, gawking at your respective phones and swapping the odd bit of information about unpaid bills and what time the Tesco delivery is due, can become all too familiar when kids drain you of your last drop of energy.
So, crack open the Magners, stick on an Anthrax CD and enjoy a little under-the-sweater by an open window – because you’re not just parents.
You are a couple of lovely freaks with some weird stuff in common.
Source: Mirror Online
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